22 posts tagged “dating”
My dad just came back from another date again. This lady seemed nice. I think he met her through some jewish dating website, at least that's what my twin sister says. I think that's kind of sweet.
My dad can be really cute. I went into the kitchen yesterday and he had his laptop on the counter and he was watching a youtube clip of a lady making hummus. He then proceeded to make hummus, and it was actually really good.
If my baby had been born she'd be pretty big by now,
almost in elementary school.
I somehow made it over 13 weeks without knowing I was pregnant. I actually lost weight because food looked gross to me, and I was sooooo exhausted all the time. I remember being pleasantly surprised when I suddenly seemed to fill out the bikini top I had to wear, and then there was the time that my stomach seemed to be sticking out no matter what dress I wore. When I threw up for no reason for the third time, I realized that I had missed my last two or three periods and took a pregnancy test. It came out positive. I went to see a doctor. She showed me a picture of my healthy baby. The clinic was closing for New Year's, and after that I'd be over 15 weeks pregnant and an abortion would be basically un-affordable (at least for us). She said "think about what's best for the baby."
I wanted to keep it, but I knew I shouldn't. I didn't think my heart would break as much as it did.
I promised my baby that if I had to end its little life, I would live my life the way I should and make something of myself.
My boyfriend didn't seem to understand how painful it was. He said we could have another baby later. He didn't understand that it wouldn't be THIS one. I felt like this little one was clinging to my heart with its little hands and begging me to let it live. I hated my boyfriend. I thought he was heartless and cold.
But he came with me to the clinic. I was injected with something and I wasn't allowed to eat anything. Late at night I was taken to the surgery room and they took the little one out. The nurses had to drag me back to the room, where my boyfriend went pale and panicked at the sight of me weak and half conscious. He always worried about me. I ate some food then threw up in the garbage can. The nurse came in and got angry at me for throwing up. I asked if I could go home. She said I shouldn't, but I insisted. They gave me some pad-type things for the bleeding and me and my boyfriend took a taxi home through the freezing cold icy streets.
That was how I spent New Years.
We broke up a few months later.
Until I became pregnant, I didn't think it would ever happen. Now I wonder if I'll ever actually be a mother. If I'd ever allow myself to lose control enough and be vulnerable enough and trust a man enough to start a family. It doesn't seem very likely.
The Guardian of Hostesses heard my prayers last night, because work-wise it was a very relaxing night. We weren't busy at all, mama was pleasant, the few customers we did have were fine.
It was cool, but I didn't want everyone waking up to the sound of a weird kid shouting my name. I didn't really know what I was thinking, but I grabbed my keys and phone and ran downstairs.
Slugger wanted to see the club. He's never been in a hostess club before. I had the key, so I let him in, and he started poking around. "Wow, so this is what it's like in here."
He then messed my mind up irreparably by getting completely naked and walking around. It was just such a mindf***!
This is where all of us girls stress out, fight, laugh, hug, argue, shout, sometimes even cry. This is where we sit around in full makeup and dresses your mother wouldn't let you out of the house wearing. This is where we yawn when it's not busy and party it up like idiots when it is. This is where salarymen spill their guts, share their heartaches, drink too much, smoke too much, and force their desires onto their surroundings too much. This is where I leave myself behind and become an ever-more-professional hostess.
And now suddenly Slugger's in here walking around naked. Which just looks weird anyway. After a few moments of wandering he suddenly said "oh! I forgot to take off my socks." That made me laugh.
It was also making me laugh that he was in the club even though he has no money, he has no status, he doesn't have a frigid wife he's running from or an alcohol problem he's feeding or a lonely life he needs to fill with false hopes. He's not a customer. He's my friend, he's a man, and he knows the Real me. And it's totally freaking me out that he's in here.
My mind was further rearranged when we then did some things that I never thought I'd do within the walls of the club. I was just quietly freaking out, thinking thoughts like "this is where I sat with my leg around a customer while he made jokes about taking me home, and now Slugger's on top of me. Crazy"
Things are apparently still going well with his girlfriend. She's not working at the moment. She used to be a hostess, and she's saved up enough to live happily without a job for awhile. Lucky her.
How come it seems like every guy I see these days has a history of going out with hostesses?
I need a vacation so I can remember who I am again.
I am just so woefully behind on my day time work. It's ridiculous.
Neon (customer with throat cancer) wants me to go with him to the hospital tomorrow. He really actually wants me to hold his hand. I've decided that I'll go with him, because I do like him and I am worried. I'd better get at least an expensive watch out of this. I'll accept expensive jewelry too.
He hasn't even told his long suffering and neglected wife that he's sick. He spills his guts out to me and wants me to hold his hand while the doctor tests him for cancer, but he won't even talk to his own wife. He says he won't even sleep with her.
Well the joke's on him because she gets access to all his money, plus he's never home (morning, noon OR night) so she gets freedom too. She's absolutely refusing to divorce him.
The joke's probably on me too. WTF am I doing, going to the hospital with him when I have a million other things I could be doing. Sleeping is at the top of the list.
BTW, I'm not overreacting when I say his girlfriend is scary. She's older than us, and she's got a past. She was a kept-mistress to a famous yakuza dude! She's got a yakuza tattoo to show for it. Talk about playing with fire. You do not want to get on the wrong side of that. Who knows how she got out of that situation alive. Kept-mistress to a yakuza dude must be one of the more dangerous professions. The mortality rate must be very high.
Anyway, to be safe, I waited until tonight to respond, because I know he's working and nowhere near his girlfriend.
No response.
He's ignoring me. I'm really not into mind games. Especially from guys that aren't even customers or boyfriends.
But I keep checking my phone. I am a looooooser.
But after marriage, guys get really into money (making it, saving it, buying cool stuff with it) and the girls aren't getting enough sex -- at least from their husbands.
Then in the divorce, the guys freak out over losing their money.
That's just a pattern I see really often.
The customer who suddenly stopped coming in because he was undergoing tests for cancer sauntered into the club last night! His flashy taxi driver once said to him, "You love the neon lights of the night," so I'm naming him Neon.
He was staggering around looking pretty drunk already. I was so happy to see him, relieved that he looked okay, and then angry that he was obviously still living his life unhealthily despite his illness.
He said he has some tumor in his throat and he has to go in to the hospital next week. He's scared to go, and he doesn't want to go. "I have work, I'm busy."
He's kind of scared and for once in his selfish and decadent life, he's stopping to think about his life. I checked his lifeline (I always check all the customer's palms, plus I check their facial features, you can tell a lot about a person). It's not long, but it's not short either. It's also strong and deep right to the end, which means he won't die of a prolonged illness.
Actually, my lifeline's strong to the end too, but it's the shortest life line I've ever seen. I might die tomorrow!
One of Totoro's subordinate workers is a handsome, overly exciteable guy (relatively young, like 45). I think he's alright as far as customers go, but I can tell Dancer Girl really likes him. She gets all excited, neglects other customers, and starts using a cutesy voice and weird mannerisms (lots of annoying hand movements). She even told me that if he was 10 years younger, she'd go for him.
Even ten years ago he was married with kids, plus he's handsome and funny so he's gotta have a million girlfriends. He has to go out to hostess clubs for his job, and if she's into him, you can guarantee at least one girl in every other club he goes to is too. Even mama loves him and wouldn't mind taking him home to her crazy cat house.
I can't imagine EVER crossing that line with a customer. Not now, not after everything I've seen.
I decided that the next time I have a hot Japanese guy on my arm, I'm gonna act like I'm the shit. I'll drag Slugger out! No I won't, his scary girlfriend would kill me.
If there's a room full of foreign guys, I am really harsh and critical. If there's a room full of Japanese guys, Dancer's really harsh and critical. "Most Japanese guys are ugly, inside and out," she announced. To which I replied, "well so are most American guys, especially INSIDE Japan."
Had another date with my tall, handsome gay friend Shia.
When he first immigrated to Canada from the war-torn European country he comes from, he lived across the hall from a countryman. He was delighted to be so near someone from his home country, and they became really good friends. Shia told him he was gay, and the guy was cool with it, but made it clear that he wasn't. The guy across the hall started dating a girl, things got serious, and the three of them would sometimes go out together.
Shia sometimes asked the guy if he wanted to go with him to a gay club, just to have some fun. The guy always said something to the effect of "noooooo no no no, hells to the hell no." One day the guy's girlfriend said she'd go with Shia to the gay club, and the guy hell-to-the-no-ed it back home and left them to it.
That night, she came on to Shia, and next thing you know, they had sex. My mind just about exploded. To me, Shia isn't the type of guy to sleep with a good friend's partner. And he definitely isn't the type to sleep with women. Then again, this was a few years ago.
He brought this story up today because the straight friend who lived across the hall, who's girlfriend Shia slept with even though he's gay -- suddenly realized that he was also gay! And he just got married to his boyfriend!
Apparently nobody's ever been more in love or as committed to each other as these two are. Ugh. I don't want to hear about people getting married anymore.
Shia also told me about undercover brothers (I think that's the term for dudes who sort of act and live straight, but then hook up on the down low) who go out and find chicks to have threesomes with because they're kind of insecure and can't relate to each other without a third party there. Kind of confusing, but he talked about it like it was the most normal, logical thing in the world.
So this is normal in his world, but he's still shocked to hear about groups of salarymen going out and expensing a night out at a sleazy club and getting blow jobs in VIP rooms from working girls. He thinks the group mentality is kind of freaky.
Ohhhhh (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x) (x x)
Late night last night, then ate weird food with a customer, then met up with Dancer Girl (who worked later than me) and had some deep heart to hearts over tequila shots about her impending divorce. Against all better judgment, we went to a place where the manager is a really hot and overly sexed male whore (I'm serious, I know 50 girls who have slept with him, sometimes at the same time). Guess what happened next?
Not what you think.
Well maybe kind of what you think. He paid for our never ending drinks and took us to an after hours club and basically did his best to try to get us both in bed. But me and Dancer Girl just sort of ended up making out with each other.
We decided that in five years time, we're going to start a family together if we still don't have reliable men in our lives. Since she likes western guys, her baby's going to be mixed race, and since I like Japanese guys, mine's going to be whatever mix that ends up being. Then Dancer Girl kept talking about how the hot male whore has great genes for a Japanese guy (he does, he's great eye candy), but I told her to shuttup. I mean I've heard all about him from multiple sources, and nobody ever seems to come away disappointed after a night with him. But I just can't get over how he's slept with EVERYONE in Roppongi.
2008 is the year of divorces. I feel left out, like I should get one too! Dancer Girl's getting one, and the hot male whore just got one. I was very shocked two years ago when he got married after a total whirlwind romance with an Australian airhead. Not so shocked to hear about his divorce last night though.
I just had a very interesting morning with Slugger. He tried to explain his reasons for cheating on his girlfriend, who he actually really loves. And that relationship is a lot more real and strong than I had assumed.
I'm quite sure that I use boys and bars and boys in bars as a way to relieve stress from work. When I get off at 5am having spent the last eight hours agreeing with and praising unworthy customers, I would pretty much give my right arm to talk about myself for an hour or two so I can go to sleep happy. Or at least talk to someone in a normal way. Unfortunately most normal people are sleeping, so I usually end up hanging with a bartender somewhere. Oh my god, that sounded so sad.
Slugger has been kind of a fun guy to hang with and he's also a lot of fun to sleep with. We never really had any serious conversations, but today we kind of did. Which always seems to mess things up a little.
I couldn't really have an open and honest conversation with my boyfriend (if I ever get one) about why he cheats, or even why guys in general would hypothetically cheat. That would immediately turn into a screaming fight disaster. So it was pretty cool that I could ask him "so why are you cheating on your girlfriend?" This is what he came up with:
- He loves his girlfriend, and sleeping with another girl doesn't really take away from that.
- Boys need the thrill of the chase. Unless they have something in their daily life that takes care of that hunter instinct, they really need to hunt and conquer women, or else...there's no other option apparently.
- Cheating keeps things balanced. Not only does it take care of the above hunt and conquer urge, it also makes you appreciate your girlfriend more, and makes you treat her nicer.
- He's weak and insecure, and it's a way to validate his manliness.
If any of you guys out there cheat, can you tell me if you agree with these reasons or not?
Whoa, I got a couple private messages about how I've been starry-eyed over Boxer but then slept with Slugger. Nobody was judgmental, but they were confused.
Sorry! It's not the most commendable behavior I've ever displayed. But I didn't think it was such surprising and confusing behavior.
I met the boxer a few weeks ago. You could say that I'm being really stupid and getting ahead of myself by being so into a guy that I actually don't know at all. That's possibly the more surprising and confusing behavior.
I've known Slugger for a few months. He's reliably and comfortably irresponsible and non-committal. It's cool. There is just absolutely no baggage there. Now I might be completely burned at the stake because he technically has a girlfriend. But come on. He cheats on her way too much, and she lets him. That's not a real relationship.
I suspect that it's the straight boys out there that are a little shocked/turned off by my sleeping with slugger and boxer. And the ladies probably instinctively want me to slam on the brakes a little in terms of my falling fast for boxer.
Anyway, if things get serious with boxer (and it could just be my hormones or something), and even if they don't, I'm probably not sleeping with anyone else for awhile.
Did I explain myself sufficiently?
I've been keeping men emotionally at arm's length ever since my last disastrous relationship went down in flames. But now I've got a school girl crush on Boxer. So indulge me, please! And if you're sick of this already, feel free to skip this post.
I just feel like giggling like an idiot and sleeping in his arms all day. But he works long hours and has to sleep at night. And I work long hours all night. And he lives in western Shinjuku and I live in Roppongi (that's a pretty annoying cab ride, especially at night when the rates are high, and I can't get a customer to pay that fare either. That would be an interesting conversation!).
But I like his funny Kansai accent (that he tries really hard to cover up with a Tokyo accent, but it still comes out every now and then) and it's so cute that he's short, and I even find his chain smoking endearing. Well actually maybe not so much, it's pretty stinky. But for some reason I'm okay with it at the moment. He's got funny serious-face wrinkles around his mouth, and sometimes he slumps his shoulders and looks like an old man. And it's like a ray of sunlight when I can get his serious face to smile or laugh.
I am such an idiot at the moment.
I told him that I had a really long night on Friday and took a customer out to to a freelance bar until 6am, and he said "you worked hard, good for you!" (well he said 偉い, and I'm not quite sure how to translate that). My last boyfriend was so insanely jealous and controlling, I couldn't tell him about work at all (why the HELL was I with him?). Boxer did work as a club manager for a long time, and a lot of that involved praising and encouraging the girls so they'd bring in more money. So maybe he was just going into club manager mode, who knows.
If he sticks around, I guess we'll see how cool he is with my job.
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